It’s a brand new year, and new things are on the horizon. Most of us usually start our new year off with declarations and change of minds and hearts. What I want to ask you is not if you will change your diet or will you start spending more time with your kids. I want to ask you simply, will you show up? What I mean by this is will you begin showing up for you?

Last summer, I started going to therapy. I was experiencing some light depression and my doctor suggested that it could be psychological. I went not knowing what I would talk about.  Like many people, I didn’t think I needed therapy. It turns out, my depression was health-related and not psychological in the way we thought. They discovered I have sleep apnea and the lack of sleep for prolonged periods of time was aggravating my propensity to be depressed. Let’s face it, we all have gone through something at one point or another that could lead to depression. Some of us are able to handle things better than others. I realized there were still underlying issues that could make me depressed if my hormonal levels permitted it.

My depression was more physiological than psychological, but I had already begun benefitting from my therapy in a great way. My therapist, Spirit, said to me: “It is my goal to empower you to show up naturally and not give second thoughts about doing the things you want to do or saying no to something you don’t want to do.”  I asked myself a question after that. “Will I show up when the time is right to show up?” What we further discovered about me is my unbelievable savior complex. I have a heightened sense of responsibility that influences me to show up for everyone else when they need it.  The problem is I fail to show up for myself when I need to.

Are You Showing Up?

I bet many of you are in the same place. How many times do you fail to show up for yourself because you have put others first for so long? Or perhaps, you have taught yourself to indulge in food, or alcohol and drugs, and you fail to show up for yourself in these areas by not showing self-control.  All of my life I have had to show up as someone else for fear of being rejected. I have had to put what I really desire to the back to make others comfortable. Even as I write this, I am having to put myself first now that some family members are not okay with my plan to marry my partner. I pat myself on the back for being able to assert that I will no longer internalize their fear and anxiety about my sexuality. Spirit would so proud.

I realized, in my twenties, I literally stopped living because I was convinced that over serving in the church was the best thing for my life. Don’t get me wrong, the spiritual growth I garnered in that time was amazing, but in my sessions with Spirit, I learned that it all taught me how to pretend like life was not happening to me. I was a minister to the people, but not to myself. She would ask me questions like, “I’m intrigued to know why…”  Do we ever ask ourselves, “Why?”

I was not showing up when people hurt me, and I was not showing up when past relationships were toxic. Why do we do this? When Spirit showed me how my parents stayed together for 25 years although their marriage was only good for a little over half of that time, I subconsciously learned how to deal with things that were not good for me.  So, I stayed for 3 years with a cheater, and then moved on to the next relationship and stayed 4 years with an emotional manipulator. I was not showing up to say, no. At that time, I was giving all my problems over to Jesus.  While Jesus was teaching me how to become aware of my spiritual power, the rest of me was over-burdened with baggage, hurt and anger, yes anger from traumatic events of my past.

Now, Will You Show Up?

I just want to share with you that failing to show up will cause you to die a perilous death from hurt and anger. It is okay to say no.  Say it.  Say no, I’m not going to pay your phone bill. No, I’m not taking on this extra assignment, when the person who should be doing it is goofing off. I would like to imagine that you become your own attorney. When you are on trial for a crime or accusation, a good attorney will show up for you and stand up for you and speak for you.  You are the attorney of your life. You have the right to make your opening statements and do your closing arguments.

Going forward, tell people how far they can go with you. Make your case about your hurt feelings. Tell that mooching friend to go find a damn job and stop guilting you into paying for their shit. This is how you have to show up. Be unapologetically you.  Will you show up this year?