I have heard a lot of single people question why they have not found love. One of my friends has said, “I have never been in love and I don’t know why”. Why does it seem like love relationships evade some of us sometimes? Some people are able to find relationships almost instantly and some tend to stay single. What is it? Everything in life has its purpose. If you are single then there is a reason that you are single or if you are in a relationship, then there is a reason that you are in a relationship. If you are single, then that just means it is not meant for you to be with someone right now. Learn to embrace that and accept that.
Sometimes people feel inadequate if they do not have someone to call their own. They feel alone and lonely, and while it is true that God did not create man to be alone, He still created man first before He charged him with the task to multiply the earth and bring in more people. When you are in a season where it feels like love is evading you, that is when you should begin to focus on yourself. There are three things to focus on while you are waiting. The first thing is you. Then after that, you want to focus on the connections you already have. Lastly, you should focus on the love you already have in your heart and determine what is your purpose on earth as it concerns that love. Once you focus on these three things, you better position yourself to be okay with being single and you also better position yourself to receive love when it comes.
Focus On Yourself
When you are in a phase where you are single and the dating game seems like it is playing you more than you are playing it, it is time to take a step back and ensure that you are taking care of yourself. Being in a relationship requires a lot of commitment and a lot of give-and-take. When you are in a relationship, you do not get as much “me” time as you used to get. This will also mean that you will not get as much time to dedicate to the things you like to do that builds you up. Take advantage of the free time you have when you are single. Make a commitment to read more novels or go on random road trips to see local towns. America the beautiful is so full of culture and charm, especially in the south. It does not take a whole lot of money to go see something different. Sometimes “something different” is in your own backyard. In either case, however, those are moments to become cultivated. One of the biggest “gives” you will hand out in the courtship phase of a relationship is your life experience. This will be one of the things that will cause a person to become gratified mentally by you. This is important.
There are other ways to focus on you. You can focus on your career. Relationships cost money. Going out to eat costs money. It is no fun sitting around the house day in and day out. Focus on your career and your income so that you can grow it to a place to support a mature relationship. A mature relationship will need Valentine’s Day getaways. It will require summer road trips and concerts and fine dining every now and again. Are you financially able to help contribute to that? Focus on this part of yourself while you are single. When in a relationship, you have to always date throughout the duration of the relationship. It takes money to date.
The last point of focusing on yourself is to focus on your inner self. This is equally important. If you are a broken emotional mess then you are not ready for a relationship. In Turning 30 I teach how a relationship is made up like a circle and the two people in that circle only make up 50% of that circle. In order to have a whole and completely functioning relationship, then both halves need to be fully whole. If half of the circle is incomplete then it makes the whole circle incomplete. You must ensure that you are confident in yourself for the most part. This is not to say you will not continue to have self-esteem or security issues, but they should not be so fragile that it damages the equilibrium of the relationship. If you are not happy, a relationship is not going to make you happy. You have to be happy first and then find someone to help you build that happiness to a greater place. Focusing on yourself is important while you are single.
Focus On The Connections You Already Have
This is the mistake many make when they are single and loathing it. They focus on the fact that they have no one to love on. When you do this, you effectively alienate those people in your life that you do have to love on. All relationships feed off the same food. It doesn’t matter if it is your mom, sister, brother, son or daughter or a best friend or co-worker. These people are still important to you. When you are single, do not focus so much on the idea that you do not have anyone to share your time with. Focus on those people in your life that are special to you. You can call up your sister and say, “hey, The Purge: Election Year is out, wanna go check it out”. Being single is not an excuse to be a recluse.
As I age, I am learning more and more to focus on those people that focus on me. I am not single but this is still important to always do in your life. Wealth is when you have a family unit and family is not always flesh and blood. Family is combined with those people who support you and love you and pray for you and spend time with you. You have to be mindful to ensure that the people you already have are being taken care of by your attention and dedication to them. If you are not already healthily maintaining the relationships you already have with other people, how do you expect you will perform in a love relationship? Therefore, focusing on the connections you already have gives you practice on how to focus on the love of your life when he or she comes.
Focus On The Love In Your Heart
I sincerely believe that we are all created with the capacity to love something or somebody. It is our purpose here on earth to discover how to love unequivocally in spite of the forces of evil that are against us. I believe that God allows challenges to occur in our lives just to fine tune our ability to discover the love He gave us in the midst of it. The Bible refers to love as “Charity”. It teaches what Charity does and does not do. This means that love is a vehicle for action. Focusing on the charity that is in your heart should lead you to becoming a charitable person. When you act on charity, the seeds of love that you sow will eventually find their way back to you. People recognize when you have a heart full of love and
People recognize when you have a heart full of love and they, most times, will respond accordingly. Use this to your benefit to build a bigger and greater you. When you focus on the love that is in your heart, it dismantles any selfish notions you may have. Let’s be honest here, it is selfish to constantly pout about how you do not have a mate to be in love with. Love is not just reserved to romance. Focusing on the love that is in your heart from The Creator will lead you in other ways on how you can give that love out. If you are only focused on how you can give that love out to a boyfriend or girlfriend, then you are being selfish with the capacity to love that God gave you.
Now that was a harsh reality to point out but it is the truth. A romantic love is supposed to be something that you stumble across one day while you are being your natural, loving, altruistic, gifted self. We have all found ourselves in a place where we were just sitting around waiting for love. In all that waiting we did not realize that what we were waiting for we already had the whole time. When you are in that place, remember to focus on yourself, your friends and family, and the love that God has given you to give out to better this world.
