Hi Jay,
How should I respond to someone who is never supportive of my dreams and visions? I have a friend who can be so pessimistic. If I tell her I want to lose weight, she will begin to point out how much of a challenge it is to do it. If I say I want to better my career and possibly try to promote to leadership, she has reasons why I shouldn’t give it a second thought. Do you think she is just watching out for me or is she hating?
-Feeling hated on
Hi Feeling Hated On,
I know what it feels like to not have the support of people who label themselves as your friend. It can be a downer to not have someone to celebrate your accomplishments or your desire to achieve. I learned that you should never be the ‘it’ person in your life. What I mean by that is that you should have at least one or two people in your life that have the capability to pull you up to higher levels. This also means you should not always be the one with a positive attitude. Attitudes are contagious. The energy we give off can literally set the atmosphere around us. You owe it to yourself to surround yourself around positive people with positive vibes.
You should respond to your friend by simply telling her the truth about how you feel. Let her know that when you share your ambitions with her, sometimes all you want is someone to cheer you on. If you are like most people, you have already gone over and over in your mind on how your ambitions might not work so having someone to support you is crucial. I always encourage people to never be confrontational when having to set correction. Do it in a way that she will receive what you are saying without causing her to go into defense mode. Who knows what door this will open up for you two? She may respond with anger or she may respond by stating why she has such a pessimistic or “realist” attitude about things. This will be an opportunity for you to get to know the deeper parts of her which could strengthen your friendship. I strongly believe we show and teach people how we want them to treat us. How do you respond when she shares good news or plans? Respond to her the way you would like to see her respond to you. Perhaps she will notice it.
