Hi Jay,
I have a dilemma. I met this awesome guy and we have been getting to know each other as friends. His conversation is one of a kind. I feel like he is the perfect person for me but there is one thing: he is in a relationship. He doesn’t come on to me or cross any boundaries with me, but he is super sweet. I think I am falling for him. I don’t want to fall for him. I’m always falling for the “unavailable guy” when I shouldn’t. I don’t want to lose his friendship but I’m afraid that continuing to build the friendship with him is going to take me to a place of no return. This is my pattern and this time, I want to break it. Help!
~ Caught in a Dilemma
Hi Dilemma,
My question to you is simple. Why do you allow yourself to fall for guys who are unavailable? I think there is something in you that attracts those type of “situationships.” My best advice to you is to establish boundaries. You have to set them up for yourself first, and then make others live up to them, especially if they are core to your ethical compass. I can tell that somewhere within, you feel that developing feelings for him is wrong. I can’t tell you whether that is or isn’t wrong because friendships are strong bonds as well. What you will need to do is find out what is it in you that makes you see friends more than just that, a friend. You must understand that a deep connection with another person doesn’t have to lead you to cupid.
However, if you feel that you cannot control and limit yourself, then perhaps you should end the friendship before you and he are compromised. This doesn’t have to be a dilemma. You have made it that. Redefine who and what he is to you and your dilemma will come to an end.