Hi Jay,

I’ve been with women and men and I find myself wanting to be with men all the time, especially when I masturbate. Could I be gay? I am getting confused.

-Questioning Man

Hi Questioning Man,

Sexuality falls on a spectrum called the Kinsey Scale. The theory suggests that all people have some level of sexual fluidity on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being mainly same-sex attracted and 1 being mainly heterosexual. For some, sexuality is known early and for others, it is not. There could be a variety of reasons for that. Your confusion is likely because you may feel you should be one or the other. It is entirely possible that you could be a 4, 5, 6, or 7 on the Kinsey Scale.  If this is the case, then there is no question of, “Am I gay,” the question should be, “Am I bisexual?”

I would suggest you do some study on sexuality, fluidity, and the Kinsey Scale.  You may eventually find where you fall on this scale.  There are some of us in the LGBTQIA community who are mostly same-sex attracted but are attracted enough to the opposite sex to be able to engage in sex with the opposite sex but it is not necessarily our preference.  A person like that will have same-gendered imaginations when they self-pleasure. There are some who are repulsed by the idea of the opposite sex or the same sex and thusly, these people are either gay or straight.

I don’t know you’re age, but if you are in your teens or early twenties, these types of identifiers will become a lot more cemented for you as you get older.  I understand that right now you’re just looking for some type of direction so you can know who you are becoming. Not being sure is okay, but you should know that sexuality is very complex and there is no right or wrong way to feel as it concerns your sexual attraction.

-Jay