Hi Jay,
This is weird saying it, but I’m bisexual and I have a boyfriend. I usually have a crush on girls that I don’t act upon because of fear that they wouldn’t feel the same way and then, they would start telling others.
There is this current one. I like her, but I haven’t said anything to her other than Good morning. I stare at her sometimes and I have caught her staring at me. There is this tension between the both of us, and I’m not truly sure if she feels it or not.
What should I do?
P.S: I have her number and also, being bi or guy isn’t accepted in my country.
– She Catches My Eye
Hi Eye Catcher,
Sounds like you’re experiencing what we in the community called “gaydar”. It’s a colloquialism at best, but there is actually some scientific study behind it. I won’t get into that because it’s hit or miss with the findings. Let’s make it simple for you, you’re dealing with a simple and old-age thing called attraction. That’s what your crushes on girls are about. Attraction exists across the animal world everywhere and humans are no different regardless of our sexual orientation.
You are in the stage of your exploration where you are interested in some desire towards the same sex. You did something that is very important, you sorta came out to yourself, and that is important for giving you a foundation towards being able to eventually come out altogether. You’ll then be able to put more definition to the encounters you are having and possibly share with your boyfriend your truth.
In my experience, especially when I was younger and closeted, I had those instances where I knew a guy I had my eye on was likely gay and we just played that “game” with each other which included staring, making eye contact from across the room and making flirty banter back and forth. But until I was able to be a lot more comfortable with my sexuality, those experiences only remained figments of my imagination and secret fantasies that never went anywhere.
You are in a different vein of life where you can’t live out loud even if you felt ready to do so. Essentially, you and this lady friend of yours will have to continue to play coy with each other. That’s sad and I do wish more freedom to come your way somehow. My best advice to you considering that is to enjoy the courtship you may have with her. Enjoy the energy you feel from her, guard your heart so that you don’t fall in love with someone that you aren’t sure will feel the same. I would generally be
There is nothing wrong with feeling the warmth a close friend can give you when you are attracted to them as well. If it is meant to me, you two will become good friends and possibly more with time if she’s into same-sex relationships. Be respectful and never force yourself on anyone, and not just because you don’t want to be rejected, but it’s just courteous to not do that. Lastly, don’t underestimate your gaydar! I’m jokingly serious about that.
Jay