Hi Jay!
I am a 35 year old woman who has yet to find a man to marry. I am not getting any younger obviously. Sometimes it bothers me that I am still not having the type of life I thought I’d have at this age. I have everything else, the house, the car, great friends, but I go home at night to no one but my dog.
What can I do to change this? Am I doomed to become an old maid with no one? Please tell me how to find love with the one person that can make the difference in my world. I’m tired of being alone.
– 35 and Waiting on Love
Hi 35 and Waiting on Love
I think what you are dealing with is complex. On one hand, I hear you have some preconceived expectations on what life should look like for you at the age of 35, but on the other hand, I hear some sincere feelings of sadness about where your romantic life is. One may contribute to the other, but it’ll be for you to evaluate your feelings and see.
Now, who told you that being married by 35 is what’s supposed to happen? One thing I know about disappointments is they don’t determine anything. Adjust your expectations. Your unmet expectation is what causes your disappointment to have a profound meaning which can lead to hurt feelings, sadness, and depression. So ask yourself, when did you set the expectation that you should be married by 35 and why did you set it.
Change Your Outlook
I challenge you to change how you think about this situation. Waiting later in life to find love can be a blessing. Why? Let me list some reasons.
- You settle into your “real self” in your 30s
- Typically, your career and finances are stable
- You will have dated enough to know what you do and do not like sexually and romantically in a partner
- Your capacity to think about the big picture concerning important issues expands as you are older
- You will have had time to sort out your inner difficulties and address traumas from your past
There are so many more things to consider, but getting older comes with its rewards, and often times, being 35 and waiting on love, means you are like a fine wine waiting to be served. Just give it time and appreciate the process.
35 and Waiting on Love…Do it in public
I believe a good relationship happens organically. What I fear for you is that since you feel that you are at your age expiration for meeting someone to spend your life with, you’ll begin to seek him out and settle. Let love happen organically, and while you are doing that, go out to the bar. Put yourself out there to be noticed.
Be willing to talk to men and have conversations with them. If done well and consistently, You will no doubt run into some great guys to date. After that, the hard part begins. Dating is a game of self-reflection so to get a dating situation to turn into happily ever after, you will need to ensure you are confronting all of your issues that could prevent the relationship from growing. He has to do the same, but that’s another topic.
I hope you find him and I hope your anxiety about not having him right now subsides with a few adjustments hear and there to your goals and expectations. Live your life in the now.