LGBT people have it tough in several societies around the world. Queer identity is complex because sexuality is fluid, but queer identity is not about sexual identity. It’s not about anatomy or whom one sleeps with. Queer identity is about self-esteem and self-acceptance.
Understanding queerness is a fundamental part of queer theory. Society fares better when everyone in it is included in its systems and laws.
I can attest that it is difficult to find ourselves in a world where sexuality is black and white. Not only is sexual identity black and white but being queer is considered a deviation from what is considered normal.” LGBT people have it hard trying to fit the heteronormative mold.
These norms challenge queer identity and send people like me toward mental breakdowns trying to accept the inevitable. Even worse, those who are genderqueer have the toughest attempts to fit into our society.
The rest of this article will open your mind to what you need to become more familiar with. If you are someone who is questioning their identity, these definitions may help you too.
What is Queer Identity?
This is a loaded question. Most heterosexual cis-gendered people consider the term ‘gay’ to be all-inclusive to everyone that is anything but heterosexual. This further creates the chaos that queer people worldwide struggle with as they try to find their identity.
Queer identity is so complex that even queer people must take time to establish their identity fully. There are so many types of sexual identities. First, let’s define Queer:
Queer is a word that describes sexual and gender identities other than straight and cis-gendered
Queer was once a derogative term. It is okay to use in today’s society. However, LGBT is the most appropriate term to use. The most common ‘queer’ titles people know are:
- Heterosexual – A person who is strictly sexually interested in the opposite sex
- Homosexual – A person who is strictly sexually interested in the same sex
- Bi-Sexual – A person who is sexually interested in both sexes.
Other Gender Identity Expressions
Cis-Gendered
A person who identifies as the sex they were assigned at birth. A male identifies as he/him, and a female identifies as she/her.
Transgendered Woman (Trans Woman)
A male assigned at birth who identifies as female and uses she/her pronoun
Transgendered Man (Trans Man)
A female assigned at birth who identifies as male and uses the he/him pronoun
Gender Non-Conforming
A person who does not identify as a male or female (ask for their pronoun)
Gender Fluid
A person who identifies on a spectrum between a male or female (ask for their pronoun)
Gender Non-Binary
A person whose gender expression does not fit the normal social expectations of male or female gender expression uses they/them/their pronouns.
Gender Queer
A person who does not subscribe to a specific gender identity may also use they/them/their pronouns.
Gender Fluid
A person whose gender identity may change from day to day
We can see here that Queer identity is complex. It should be noted that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. A gay man can be cis-gendered just as well as a heterosexual man can be transgendered.
To help you understand this more, know that I am a cis-gendered gay male. Caitlyn Jenner’s attraction to women did not change just because she is a trans woman, but this does not necessarily make her a lesbian. This is where queer identity can be very complex.
It should also be noted that designations genderqueer, gender fluid, and gender non-conforming are sometimes used interchangeably.
Social Awareness of Gender Identity
You should understand if a person comes out to you as genderqueer other than cis-gendered, be aware of how to manage them. It’s okay to ask questions for clarity. Ask them what they would like to be called. What pronouns do they use?
Be open with them and let them know you understand and although it may take some practice to remember appropriate pronouns, you have their best interest at heart. Although, please make the best effort to ID them as they request.
If you are heterosexual, do not perpetuate the heteronormative social construct by attempting to dismantle the assertion of our LGBTQ pride. Our LGBTQ pride is not a juxtaposition to your heteronormative experience. Our pride is about overcoming the heteronormative rigidness that has existed for centuries.
Rules of Engagement
Avoid using old terms now considered derogatory such as she-male, tranny, transexual, or he-she. Likewise, for sexual orientation, do not refer to a gay man as a faggot, sissy, punk, or pansy.
Do not call a lesbian butch, man, or bull dagger. Also, do not refer to gay men who are cisgender as girl or she. Do not refer to lesbians as a man, male, or he.
Gender identity is frequently confused as an “other than” thing when cis-gendered heterosexuality is a gender/sexual identity. We should be more cognizant of our identities; this will help those questioning feel more comfortable with their identities.
As we can see, queer people have difficulty fitting the mold in a heteronormative society because queerness is not black and white. It is not either this or that. We just are as we exist. We have been trying to say for decades now that we are born the way we are, and what matters is our capacity to love another human being.
Only in the last decade has it become easier for gay and lesbian people to come out and be proud of their sexual orientation. We still have a little way to go regarding gender identity. Shows like POSE on FX do a good job of showcasing the life of genderqueer people and their humanness. It also makes it easier for those who are genderqueer to feel like they are a part of our society.
Impact of Heteronormativity
Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality is the default and normal sexual orientation and that all other sexual orientations are deviant or abnormal. This belief can have a significant impact on individuals and society as a whole. Some of the effects of heteronormativity include:
- Marginalization of LGBTQ+ individuals: Heteronormativity can marginalize individuals who do not conform to traditional heterosexual norms, leading to discrimination, harassment, and violence against LGBTQ+ people. This can negatively impact their mental health, physical safety, and well-being.
- Social and legal inequality: Heteronormativity can lead to social and legal inequality for LGBTQ+ individuals, such as unequal access to marriage, adoption, and employment opportunities. This can lead to economic hardship, social isolation, and limited life opportunities.
- Pressure to conform: Heteronormativity can pressure individuals to conform to traditional gender and sexual norms, even if those norms do not align with their identity or desires. This can lead to internalized homophobia, shame, and self-loathing.
- Limited representation: Heteronormativity can limit the representation of LGBTQ+ individuals in media, politics, and other public spheres. This can reinforce stereotypes and perpetuate harmful myths about LGBTQ+ people.
- The invisibility of LGBTQ+ individuals: Heteronormativity can lead to the invisibility of LGBTQ+ individuals and their experiences. This can make it difficult for LGBTQ+ people to access resources and support and can also perpetuate harmful stereotypes and myths about LGBTQ+ people.
Overall, heteronormativity can have a pervasive and negative impact on individuals and society. It is important to recognize and challenge heteronormativity to create a more inclusive and equitable world for everyone.
I Did Not Understand Genderqueer People.
Social ideas not hardwired against heteronormative guidelines can ease once more, and more people learn about gender identities and perhaps even get to know someone who is genderqueer. The understanding of sexual identities requires open-mindedness and a willingness to challenge one’s prejudices.
We also have to take ownership of our biases and prejudices that help to prop up this heteronormative social construct. Our discussion of heteronormativity must lead this. I remember a time when I did not understand genderqueer people. It was something I was never exposed to. All I knew was gay identity. I have evolved through enlightenment, love, personal connections, and gender theory.
